Ever have those days, or moments, when crying seems like the only logical explanation? Well today is one of those days for me and it was set off by the most insignificant thing. Funny how emotions work sometimes. But I am going to allow myself this minor breakdown because everything (well, almost everything) in my life is pretty good these days. I am happy. I have forgiven myself for past mistakes and I am happy again and I am happy about that. So I am going to let myself cry a little bit, then wipe off the tears and put my big smile back on and continue being the happy person that I am.

Books are my escape

For most people it's music. But for me it's books. They are my escape from this crazy, messed up world. I can just read for hours and just forget about all the drama in my reality and get lost in its fantasy. 

Life is definitely looking up these days. I'm learning to cut out the un necessary drama and just doing what makes me happy. 

If any readers out there have some good book suggestions..I'm all ears! I love getting lost for a few hours. 

Fed up.

Today I'm kind of fed up with with fake people and undercover digs. Like let's stop beating around the bush and just be real here. If you're bugged with someone, tell them. Don't post something that you know will hurt their feelings way worse than just talking to them. Maybe just cause I'm on honest, to the point kind of person. Idk. If you like someone, tell them. If you don't like someone, don't pretend like you do. Tell people how you feel. And if someone is telling you something, listen. Don't get offended or defensive. Apologize and try and fix it. Cause even if you disagree it obviously means something to them. Life is just too short to float by with your mouth shut. You never know what's going to happen and you always want to make sure people know how you feel. Stop sub-tweeting and stuff like that and just say what is on your mind. I'm not perfect by any means but I do wear my heart on my sleeve and people always know how I'm feeling. I get accused of being too emotional but I would rather be that way then just shutting up and holding everything in. 

I know this is all over the place and most people won't understand just something that's been on my mind. On a completely unrelated note... Does anybody have someone that they would like the set me up on a date with?! Help a sister out! 

Today.

Today is the day I decide to have a better attitude and change my life for the better. 

Dire situation

I have a bad attitude. About everything. About life, work, you name it. I have no idea how I got here, cause it's not like me, but more importantly I don't know how to get out of it. I don't think I'd go so far as to say depressed but i am sad. And I'm scared. And there's nobody to even help or care or talk to.  It's just been gradually getting worse for the last 9 months now. Everybody keeps saying it needs to come from me but guess what? I'm trying and it's not working so that line isn't helping, it just makes things worse in my head. 

I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. Not sure why I feel like that or what the different paths are right now. Almost like I need to make a decision about who I've been the last two years and who I want to be. This isn't really the person I want to be. And as much as I love them, some of my new friends from the last couple years aren't the type of people I should be surrounding myself with. I think realizing this is a big step. But acting on it and actually changing things is a whole nother ball park! So how do I fix my life?! Cause obviously I was doing something wrong to push away all the good people in my life.. I'm sure part of it is growing up and taking different roads..but I have a legit question...where do I go and how do I make new friends?! Like, I would really actually live an answer to that!

Anyway...here's to a better me.

I think I woke up in the wrong side of the bed this morning. How did my life get to this point? I don't talk to anyone but immediate family and alex. I never have plans. No one contacts me. How did I get myself in this situation?! And now how do I fix it? I honestly don't know the answer to that.. I just want life to be this grand adventure (which is probably part of the problem) but I am stuck in this damn rut and can't figure out how to get out...

um idk

The last couple days have been difficult for me and I don't know where to go from here.