Everybody has their good and their bad days, and unfortunately today is one of the bad days. I just got off a long trip with long flights with a not very nice flight attendant. After the hour bus ride home, exhausted would be an understatement. And of course the dishes weren't done and my place was a mess and to top it off, I couldn't sleep. So today has been kinda rough. I never imagined moving out here alone would be this difficult. I always pictured it as this big, grand adventure. Granted some days are amazing. I try to stay positive cause despite the difficulties, I scored an awesome apartment and can watch the sun set on the beach every night. I have a great job that takes me so many places and gives me so many experiences. But I never imagined making friends would be so hard! I hate having no plans to look forward to on my off days, nothing to get dressed for. I hate not having anyone to talk to in the flesh. I am very much a out-going people person, but how do you just become a part of someone else's group of friends? And a boyfriend? HAHA, good joke! I would love one... But it seems like boys and people, don't understand my job and how I am gone a lot and the concept of being on call is even harder... Everyone says not to date a pilot, don't meet men at the bar, don't date a beach bum... Then where the hell am I supposed to meet some one?! Ugh. I want to change things, I just really don't know how to make friends in a huge city, all by yourself. It eats away at me every day. And today I just feel like crying. There are so many things to do in LA, but one, not having a car I can't get anywhere, and two, there is no one to go with me. A lot of things I don't mind doing alone but riding the bus, and things like hiking and exploring...I just feel like these things are safer if someone is with you, ya know? I dunno....Every day I remind myself to stay positive and I put on a big smile. But, i'm scared i'm missing out on something more. Some days I find myself wishing things were the way they used to be. Me and him together in SLC...simpler job, a group of friends, always someone there for me, always someone to hang out with. I guess this is a test and I have to figure out how to make things better for myself...
There's so much more going on, but at risk of sounding like a whiney baby, i'll keep those to myself :) And Most days, I am able to stay happy and look at the blessings, cause there are many, but some days it is just too much to bear alone.
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