This week has been a big step for me. I said goodbye to someone that I should have a long time ago. As much as two people love each other, sometimes, just maybe, they're not supposed to end up together. It's been hard. I can't admit that it was easy for me to do and sometimes I get this sick feeling in my stomach wondering if I made the right decision. But I think I have. The situation wasn't fair to me and it was taking advantage of my ability to believe the best in people. It was hopeless repitition of me getting my hopes up just to be let down feeling sad and disappointed, over and over again. Yeah, every train of thought and every joke, has some connection to him and he even shows up in my dreams. But it's only been a few days and I have a sneaky suspicion that its going to get easier as the days pass. Just have to keep myself busy and my mind occupied.

I started reading this book called Single: The art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled, and Independent by Judy Ford. Sounds kinda cheesy but it's actually amazing and something that I really needed to hear. She talks about how being single and alone, while not always easy, is actually a great blessing. It talks about how you really learn a lot about yourself and the type of things you like and helps you figure out the person you want to be. At the end of every chapter she lists 5 tasks that you should do and the ultimate goal is just being happy with yourself and happy being with yourself. I've spent my whole time since I moved to LA with this negative attitude about being alone. And yeah, it can be hard cause I love to surround myself with people, but sometimes it's not always able. Right now, other than work, I literally have nothing holding me back. I am free to do whatever the hell I want! I can travel somewhere for a day, go the beach and read a book, I could even go to Disneyland! My possibilities are endless. What I need to do, is make a list of all the things I want to do and just do them. Starting today, I am gonna change my attitude and change how I live my life. I'm going to open myself up to the opportunities that come my way.

xoxo-

kenz