i feel like cinderella at the ball just running out of time..

this week i spent at a soccer tournament in park city. it was so much fun. but heartbreaking in a few ways. one, i really miss soccer. so much. i wanted to run on the field and start playing with the 11 years old because i wanted to play so very bad. two, my dad coaches this team and i am assistant and these girls are all like my little sisters. and they lost in the finals. third tournament in a row they have come in second. and the deserved first. more than any team. the played such an amazing game and got scored on by a lucky goal.. third, like i said these girls are all like my sisters and when i go to college i am not going to be able to coach them anymore and that kills me... they all have such amazing personalities and they work so well together. and they all look up to me. i can just feel it. there aren't enough words to describe how much i will miss them all. they are such role models to me, at 11 years old.

but other than that the week was really fun. i was the one to get the girls pumped and ready to go before every game. you should have seen me in the car. dancing and singing like a mad women. but it always got them ready! they always played so good! and back at the condos i spent all my time with them. i can't even count the number of times we played mafia and 4 on a couch! oh and we played curses for about 2 hours. it was such a blast! one of my curses was every time someone touched me i had to hide my cards and say "yer always after me lucky charms!" so nick called me and i answered the phone, and of course all the girls start touching me and i didn't want to lose so i had to keep saying it and nick probably thought i was crazy! but we always had dinner outside and played soccer. one night we had all these glow sticks and flashing rings and necklaces and it all looked so cool in the dark! the girls were doing a light show on the grass when the sprinklers came on! it was priceless. and then one of the girls older brothers was really hot and we hung out that night and talked about soccer and he helped me coach one game. too bad i'll never see him again... savanna and rosie are convinced i am going to marry someone younger than me.

but now i'm home and the realization of a lot of things came crashing down. this is my LAST week of summer to hang out with my friends. i leave for sun valley on the 9th until the the 17th and i move in to my dorm on the 18th and school starts the 25th. so monday through friday. if you want to hang out, give me a call. but all this said, i don't think i'm ready to go to school. yeah it will be so fun and i'll meet all these new people and have amazing experiences, but i am not ready. i am terrified. my classes are all going to be so hard. they are all aviation classes, and people i don't know anything about airplanes yet. so i'm scared. i don't want to miss a thing. and i've said this a million times, but i could not handle it without ali.

i feel like there is so much more i want to say but i just don't know how to pin down what it is. I hate how fast time is moving. I am not ready to grow up. I have so much to look forward to but i just keep holding on to everything i have now, not willing to loosen my grip on it. Not ready to embrace everything that i know is coming.

"God doesn't give you the people you want.

He gives you the people you need.

To help you, to hurt you,

to leave you, to love you,

and to make you into the person

you were meant to be."