brighter outlook

yesterday i had an emotional breakdown. ask samir or ali. i freaked out. and not a lot happened. people started saying things and i felt terrible. i felt like a terrible friend. i started thinking maybe there is more i should be doing? so i always talk about changing things. i always say i need to do this next time and do better at this. but nothing ever changes. so i'm ready to actually change. i'm ready to go back to the girl i used to be who didn't get upset over little things and who didn't worry about falling in love. most of you know i am generally a very happy person. but when something is wrong, i usually show it. i have a hard time keeping things inside. but i'm ready to always put on that happy face and help whoever needs it. my life is going to change. at girls camp i started reading the Book of Mormon, cause i haven't read it all the way through yet. And i'm not very far, Nephi chapter 6! but i'm working towards building my testimony. it is not strong whatsoever. and i finally started going to church every sunday. and i'm excited to be going to church with ali at utah state cause she has such an amazing and strong testimony and will make me go to church. now her blog really touched me cause every word of it was true for me. i have so many friends i feel like i can talk to. ali and rosie and christine, i tell these girls everything. everyday. seriously. and it's mandatory to hang out with them. if i go through a day without seeing at least one of them, my day doesn't feel complete. and ali is always there to give me a hug. and i know rosie will drop everything she is doing the second i say i need her and she will come help me out. samir, i talk to him and he always helps me calm down when i'm freaking out. anthony makes me think about what i'm freaking out about and locate the exact problem. he'll always listen. russell and i have a rocky background but still we remain quite close. kristin and alex always listen to me and help. tyler and nick are always there to make me laugh even when i'm in the worst mood. yesterday i'd had one of the worst days i'd had in quite some time and ali knew. so her, russell, nick and tyler planned to come kidnap me cause they knew it was just what i needed. now the actual kidnapping never happened, but we did sit outside and not really do anything, but i was immediately happy to know i have such amazing friends. this is probably why i'm so scared to leave. hana is amazing and has taught me how to love everyone. jocelyn is the best and always has a smile on her face. love her to death. i love all these people and i'm so grateful for the influence they have had on my life.

now i really didn't mean to turn this into another thing about how much i love my friends. i wanted to tell the world i'm done caring about the small things. now this really is easier said than done for me, cause i get jealous at the tiniest things. but i'm working on it, have some patience! i want to be carefree and not overthink anything. anymore. i'm done finding something to complain about all the time. i want people to remember me as always being happy. i want to have an adventure everyday. summer is almost over so let's make the best of the time we have.

this picture was back in the day and my friends threw me the most amazing going away party before i left for DC. i was SO surprised. i had absolutely no idea until i got to the church saw christine's car in the parking lot and realized she wasn't Mormon. it was so great and just proves what loving friends i have.

"but the struggles make you stronger

& the changes make you wise

& happiness has its own way of taking its

...sweet time."